“This is my desire….

21 Oct

to honor You.  Lord with all my heart, I worship you.  All I have within me, I give you praise.  All that I adore, is in You.  Lord I give you my heart.  I give you my soul.  I live for you alone. Every breath that I take, every moment I’m awake, Lord have your way in me.”  Those are the words to the song that I found myself listening to tonight as my infusion has just ended and I am trying to sleep.  According to my doctors and nurses, it should have made me very sleepy and I should be asleep right now.  I was listening to my iPod and meditating and worshipping and I realized, “I’m awake, He wants me to write.”   So I will write.

More words now to the same song right now as I write, “And I will live for You.  And I will live for You.  And I will live for You.”

So, wow!  What a day.  It started with us thinking things were looking so great on the scan of my lungs.   And what results we had gotten looked like all of my medications were working fantastically.   But we had more blood work out there, so we were waiting…..

More words from my iPod at the moment, “Jesus, I’m living for you name.  I’ll never be ashamed of You.  Take, take, take it all.  Running to the one who heals the blind.
Following the shining light.  In Your hands the power to save the world  and my life.”

We got back some results and Dr. Manley came to let me know.  He wanted the opinion of the lung specialist.  The lung specialist said that he could see me around lunch.  So I called Jacob and told him that I was going to see another doctor around lunch, but I am probably going to be able to go home around 2, so if he could come then.  So the doctor came, was very thorough and did an exam and wanted to re examine the scan of my lungs.  After a bit, he came back and said that he had talked to Dr. Manley and he felt that something was missing from the print out of my lungs and he was going to go down stairs and look at the original on the computer to see if there was something missing and if was not still in the computer, he was confident that I needed to do it again.  So we waited….

More from my iPod right now, “What to say, Lord? It’s You who gave me life and I Can’t explain just how Much You mean to me now That You have saved me, Lord I give all that I am to You That everyday I could Be a light that shines Your name Everyday, Lord, I’ll Learn to stand upon Your word And I pray that I I might come to know You more That You would guide me in every single step I take, that Everyday I can Be Your light unto the world.  Everyday, it’s You I live for.  It’s You I live for everyday.”

So he came back and said indeed they had the original in the computer still and infact they had missed the inflammation where I had been feeling burning as I was exercising.  So he had talked again to Dr. Manley and Dr. Manley would come up in a bit and let me know the treatment they had agreed upon.  So in a bit, Dr. Manley was here (he was running back and forth from his office in the next building over to the hospital).  He explained all the blood work to me and what the lung specialist and himself had discussed and I needed this new drug infusion.  It would be best to do it today.  So I called Jacob back…..

My iPod right now, “You go before me.  You shield my way.  Your hand upholds me.  And I know You love me.  At the cross I bow my knee.  Where Your blood was shed for me.  There’s no greater love than This.  You have over come the grave.  Your Glory fills the highest place.  What can separate me now?”

I was very emotional because it was just a roller coaster of a day.  Up and then down.  Jacob encouraged me.  I called Johnny and talked to him about it.  He encouraged me and prayed.  I called my parents and explained it to them.  Then I put it on facebook and sent out an email to our prayer partners.   The nurses started coming in and giving me all of this preventative medicine, pills and 2 different IVs.  And I was a bit overwhelmed.  I think because of just a huge range of emotions all at once.  And the responses started to come in on facebook and in my Inbox……

My iPod right now, “Saved by your mercy.  Found in Your Grace.  Totally surrendered to Your embrace.  And there’s nothing more than You.  See Your perfection.  I’m lost in Your peace.  Your faithfulness sings over me.  And Your love is alive in my soul.”

I don’t think that it was a coincidence that I had this procedure on a Wednesday night.  Because everyone was letting me know they were going to go to their churches and pray for me.  I started being prayed for all over the world.  Prayers were coming in and rising up for me.  I believe that it honored God and He was so pleased and He truly blessed this time.  For He granted me a tremendous amount of peace.  I had to sit here for a little over 5 hours just letting this cancer medicine enter my body.  I had some strange sensations and my stomach is not feeling great at the moment, but all in all, I was able to handle it well.  Dr. Manley came to hang out with me for a bit so that I had someone to chat to as well!  So nice of him to take time like that.  I also had a sweet friend send me an awesome song on facebook that God used to sooth my soul.  I am so blessed to have so many people praying for me.  It humbles me to call on your guys and your love that you pour out for me each time I need it.  You guys have blessed and honored and given glory to God my/our Great Physician, Father, Friend, Never Give Me More Than I Can Handle, Always Beside Me, Savior, Guide, …..

Right now on the iPod, “Take me, mold me, use me, fill me.  I give my life to the Potters Hands.  Mold me.  You guide me.  Lead me.  Walk beside me.”  “Falling on my knees in worship, giving all I am to seek Your face.  Lord all I am is Yours.  My whole life I place in Your hands.  God of mercy, humbled, I bow down.  In Your presence at Your throne.  I called.  You answered.  And You came to my rescue and I want to be where You are.”

And guys I am not sure what more to say, but “Thank you.”  Thank you for being there for me.  Thank you for going before the only One that could truly help me in that moment.  Thank you for giving Him the chance to bring Himself glory through your prayers and His response by just blessing me with His peace and patients while I had that treatment and allowing my body to handle it well.  Thanks.

My iPod right now, “In my life be lifted high.  In our world be lifted high.  In our love be lifted high.”

I feel that is an appropriate place to leave this.  🙂


Posted by on October 21, 2010 in Uncategorized


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13 responses to ““This is my desire….

  1. Momma

    October 21, 2010 at 5:22 am

    It’s 4:13 AM here and I could not sleep. I got up to see if you had written about how your treatment had gone. Your desire to serve God is an awesome saving GRACE. He has great things planned for you. I hope and pray that you get some rest tonight. Call me in the morning when you feel up to it. I love you! Momma

    • courtenayfolk

      October 21, 2010 at 9:41 am

      I am glad that I went ahead and wrote it then!! 🙂 I went right to sleep afterwards!!

    • Missy

      October 22, 2010 at 1:25 am

      Andie your daughter is my hero! She is so giving and she totally amazes me, how proud you and Gabie must be. love ya

  2. Ruth Howell

    October 21, 2010 at 7:46 am

    Hey Girl,
    I miss you and love you very much!!!! I believe God is working a miracle in you right now. Hang in there.

    • courtenayfolk

      October 21, 2010 at 9:42 am

      Thank you Ruth!! Miss you and love you too!! 🙂 Friendships last across time and countries 🙂

  3. Dale McCoig

    October 21, 2010 at 10:35 am

    We shared a special prayer time for you at GBC last night. My initial request was that the Father would fill you with His peace. It is so wonderful to hear of His “YES!” Please know that we are all continuing to pray for you, Jacob and the children. Hope you have a good and restful day! We love ya’ll!!!

    • courtenayfolk

      October 21, 2010 at 10:39 am

      Thank you so much!! I could just feel your prayers through His peace and contentment. 🙂

  4. Kim

    October 21, 2010 at 10:57 am

    Hang in there through the tough times. Remember, there is a huge blessing on the other side! God has promised us that and He NEVER lets us down. We are praying for you.
    Love ya!

  5. Sonya Price

    October 21, 2010 at 11:12 am

    Girl I want your ipod 😉 … you will be in my prayers. Love the way you just praise God through it all! He is so good, huh?

    “While I’m waiting … I will worship!”

    God bless you & your family with peace and more peace …


    • courtenayfolk

      October 21, 2010 at 11:15 am

      Hahaha!! It was playing an album called the Best of Hillsong!! It is my favorite album! I never tire of it!! The songs really keep me focused on the Lord and where I need to be!!

  6. Robin

    October 21, 2010 at 12:22 pm

    You are awesome! I just love this blog! I just know that God was right there with you and I prayed last night that you would feel His peace through out the night! Hope you get to feeling better soon. We love you! Robin

    • courtenayfolk

      October 21, 2010 at 12:27 pm

      I am glad you enjoyed the blog and I so appreciate your prayers. I could not sleep and after I wrote this, I was able to sleep until about 5:30am. So only about 4 hours of sleep, but that is better than the night before!! 🙂 Love all of you too!!

  7. Missy

    October 22, 2010 at 1:22 am

    court you are amazing! love ya


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