Break My Heart for What Breaks Yours

That has been my prayer.  One of my favorite songs says, “….break my heart for what breaks Yours….show me how to love like You have loved me……everything I am for Your Kingdom’s cause….”  I truly want to see the world as the Lord sees it and love others the way that He has and does love me.  Since I have started praying for this, the Lord has put me in situations to see Him minister to others and show me how we can minister to others.  Over the last two months I have gotten the privilege of people who are suffering under the trials of this world to share with me and I have seen how hard this life can be.  We were in the middle of all of the tornadoes in Alabama that came through and we drove up on houses where a tornado had just ripped people’s houses and lives apart and they were just standing with their hands on their heads in shock.  In trying to prevent a latino woman from having an abortion, I saw young women coming out of the abortion clinic crying because they had just had an abortion.  It was a sight that I think I will never forget and it broke my heart.

Now the question is, what do I do…. how do I respond to Him breaking my heart for what breaks His?  The first thought that comes to my mind is LOVE.  God loved me when I was unlovable.  He has given me hope in His love and His promises.  I have faith in His character.  He has granted me grace in my most difficult times to endure and even worship Him when the world thinks otherwise.  Therefore, I am to extend His love to others.  I am to share His hope and promises with others.  I am to share and teach others about His character so that they too can run to Him in their time of need.

My challenge to you – Will you open your eyes to see as He sees and love as He loves?  Will you allow Him to break your heart for what breaks His?  Will you help others by sharing the ultimate gift of salvation through Christ and not keep it to yourself?

2 Thessalonians 2:16-17  ” ¹⁶ May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, ¹⁷ encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word.”

Please listen to this song and be challenged to love people right where they are and love them with the love that you have been given!!

 

Update and Prayer Requests

Hi guys!!  Whew!!!  What a busy whirlwind we have been in lately!!  I
apologize for not updating everyone in a couple of weeks.  We have
been tremendously busy!  We have over the past weeks met with new
churches, already supporting churches, possible future ministry
partners, spoke with around 300 AWANA children, I (Courtenay) attended
a women’s retreat with Kay Arthur and the women of Mt. Moriah, and
Jacob has even played in a couple of church softball games!  In the
middle of all of that, we have been doing home school and trying to
visit with friends and family!  We are currently in North Carolina at
a Church Planting seminar that will last until Thursday.

I tell you all of that to let you know that we really have appreciated
all of your prayers and we ask that you continue to pray for us…..
1.  We need energy.
2.  Quality rest when we can get it.
3.  Remembrance on my part to take my medicine – last week I forgot my
weekly dose of Methotrexate and I got in a lot of pain.
4.  We are attending a church planting seminar until Thursday
afternoon.  My parents are keeping the children and doing their home
school with them.
5.  We will be traveling on Friday to pick up the children and then
from there, we will drive to Mississippi.
6.  We are speaking Easter Sunday in Iuka, MS, then we will speak in
Alabama, then we will head back to SC probably on the following
Thursday.
7.  That we would share God’s love and grace with all of those that
the Lord places in our paths.
8.  As we share about the Lord’s work in Costa Rica and in our family
that others would be drawn to and/or closer to our Heavenly Father.

We love each of you and cherish your prayers,
Jacob and Court

Romans 15:4-6

4 For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us,
so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the
encouragement they provide we might have hope.

5 May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same
attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, 6 so that
with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our
Lord Jesus Christ.

 

“…whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God”

1 Corinthians 10:31

Have you ever really considered this verse?  Whatever means what?  Everything?  Perhaps.

That is how I am thinking of it.  Everything I do, I should do it all for God’s glory.  Before I left Costa Rica a young lady friend asked me, “Do you only listen to Christian music?”  And I replied yes.  I began to think on that.  And my reasons behind that.  Then thinking on my life…. Do I do all things as if I am trying to do it to bring God glory?  Quite a challenge.  I worship through music for His glory.  I assist others for His glory.  I live in Costa Rica and serve the Ticos, teams and my family for His glory….. but what about other things?  Little things?  Quite a challenge and I would extend that challenge to you as well.  Just to think about this mandate from Scripture.

That brings me to this weekend.  As many of you know, this time last year I was barely able to walk across a room.  When I walked, I walked very slowly and more of a waddle.  Last March we took the kids to CharlesTowne Landing and I had to have my kids and Jacob push me in a wheelchair to make it through the park.  When the Cooper River Bridge Run came around last year, I realized it was something I had heard of my whole life.  I always thought, “I am going to do it one day.”  And I wondered, “Is it too late?  Will I ever be able to walk like that again?”  My next appointment with Dr. Gary Gilkeson I asked him if he thought I would ever be able to do something like that again.  It was hard to even get the question out of my mouth and I was on the verge of tears anticipating his answer.  At that time, I was in physical therapy 3 times a week and I was relearning balance…. relearning to put my pants on without sitting down and lifting my legs up with my hands….. relearning and regaining strength in my legs, shoulders and arms.  When he replied that he thought I would be able to do that, I was relieved and shocked.  I hoped…. I dreamed…. but never would I have imagined that only 1 year later……

Cooper River Bridge

This past weekend was a major milestone for me….  Over this past year I have followed all instructions given to me by my doctors and taken all medicines prescribed.  And I walked and walked our driveway in Costa Rica.  But bigger than that, I had God encouraging me and lifting me and gradually taking my pain away.  There is no cure for dermatomyositis and interstitial lung disease.  Some people live with these diseases without ever being fully out of pain.  I had given my body to the Lord.  Followed instructions.  Left my progress and pain relief in His hands and His timing.    In God’s good timing and plan, He has used my doctors and modern medicine and really worked wonders in my body.  A couple of weeks after the last chemo infusion that I received on October 31st, I woke up one morning and realized I had NO pain.  I was in shock and praising God.  I was breathing easier and able to get around and do all of my everyday tasks so much easier.  God was so good and is so good to me!!

As we got closer to spring, I remembered my question to Dr. Gilkeson last year about the Cooper River Bridge race and realized that we were going to be in SC during the race and I knew immediately that I wanted to get in good enough shape to do it for God!!  I let my friends and family know my plans and asked if any wanted to join me.  Sure enough, my mom, sister Monica and friend Donna Porter wanted to join me.  We trained and practiced and all met up Friday to get set up for Saturday.  Saturday morning came and our goal was to finish the 10K in 2 hours.  We got up early and drove over to Mt. Pleasant.  We got into place and the race started.  As we finally got going, a little ways past the start line we saw a man on the side of the road having pacemaker problems and I thought, “Can I really do this?”  But pushed the doubt aside and pushed forward.  We walked and walked and walked.  Before I knew it, we were on the Charleston side of the bridge and the crowds were there cheering everyone on saying the finishline was right around the corner.  And then, there it was…. right there!!  The finishline!!  10K behind me!!  And not only did I finish, but faster than my goal of 2 hours.  We finished in 1 hour 49 minutes!!  Thank you Donna, Momma and Monica for doing this with me!  Many people were praying for me and us and I truly appreciate it.  God was honored and answered our prayers!!

I can honestly say that me doing that walk was not about me.  It was not about dermatomyositis and interstitial lung disease.  It was about God.  He is so amazing.  He has taken me from extreme pain and hardly mobile to no pain and able to walk 6.2 miles!  And even when I was in major pain over this past year and a half, He carried me.  He gave me grace to endure and persevere.  And He gave me the umph I needed to push through the pain and continue to workout and restrengthen my muscles and praise Him all the way.  He was the one that I wanted to walk for and do to bring Him glory so that others would see what an awesome God He is.

So that brings us back to our verse.  And my challenge to you and to myself is to do all the things we do daily for the glory of God….. making breakfast, washing clothes, disciplining children, being a serving/loving/helping spouse, employee, …….watching the sports game, shopping, spending money, giving money away….. all for His glory.  Tougher than it sounds.  What a big challenge in such a few words.

Here are some pictures from my big, glorious day walking the Cooper River Bridge for God’s glory 🙂

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Happy Thanksgiving!

What a wonderful time of year when we can gather together and express all of the reasons that we are thankful to our Lord for His provisions!  He has not only provided for our physical needs and blessed us with wonderful families and friends, but He has supplied for all of our spiritual needs with the finished work of Christ on the cross to forgive our sins!  The thing that we are most thankful for!!

Here in Costa Rica, they do not have the Thanksgiving holiday, but we are celebrating none the less.  We are going to have a few tico friends over and I am going to attempt to cook an entire feast – including cooking turkey for the first time!!  We not only want to share with them this United States tradition of a big day of food and perhaps play some football americano, but also share with them how God has blessed us and how we owe Him everything for all that He has given us. 

God has truly blessed us with another year in Costa Rica of service for Him.  At this point, Jacob leads 11 Bible studies each week!!!  That is amazing and a huge answer to prayer!  The kids enjoy going with him to some of these and they enjoy playing soccer each week with the kids in Cipreses!!  The kids and I are enjoying homeschooling and I am thrilled with my health progress!!  In the last couple of weeks, I have been able to chase the kids around like I used to and play ball with them!  I am feeling better than I have in over a year!!  God is so good!

We have been so blessed by great friends and family that love us from a distance and continue to pray and support us!  Thank you so much!!  God is using you mightily here in Costa Rica, even though you are in the US.  We are praying for you as you pray for us!! 

Colossians 2:6-7

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

Here are some recent photos…

 

A Year of …. GRACE

What a day…. for that matter, what a year.  But I’ll start with today and go back.  We woke up to devastation from flooding here in Costa Rica.  It is reported that at least 20 have died because of landslides and flooding and many more are without houses.  Please be in prayer for our country.  While Jacob was helping Jorge repair our driveway and I was teaching the kids, I started getting a migraine.  Not much has helped relieve it and even while having that, I could not seem to sit still and rest.  So I sat down at my computer a couple of hours ago and opened my email.  Simple enough.  I noticed I had almost 900 emails in my Inbox, so I thought I am going to clean this out.  It was like a fun step back in time.  I was mostly delete happy, but occasionally a title would catch my attention and I would open it and walk down memory lane.  It went from preparing to leave SC in 2008, then to our year in language school and then to returning to the States for a brief trip and then back here to Costa Rica in fall of 2009…..

Then I came across an email to Johnny in December of 2009 and I decided to read it.  I was describing the fact that we had decided to bite the financial bullet and me go to the doctor here and then I described my symptoms. ….. It took my breath a bit…. all of the memories started to coming back of this past year….. I immediately remembered calling my parents on a Saturday morning probably right after that email and they were telling me they thought I needed to come back to SC to MUSC to be examined…. I yelled at them and fussed and carried on and told them no. (I cannot think of a time in my life that I had ever acted like that to my parents)  They said that MMBC leadership also thought I needed to return and so did their friend Dr. Joe John whom I had been talking to already asking his opinion.   I then proceeded to call Johnny and guess what, I fussed at him and I think I may have even yelled at him.  DIDN’T THEY REALIZE THAT NOTHING WAS WRONG WITH ME?  I WAS NOT COMING BACK TO THE STATES!!!  I then called Dr. John to fuss at him too.  🙂  (I hope that you all realize this is not my normal personality)  I will never forget that conversation with him.  As he was talking to me I started to cry.  He was right, perhaps I did need to return.   Dr. John, you were the one that got me to return.  Thank you…..

Back to the emails…. I started to go back to deleting them again.  I came across the one from Dr. John from the day after I fussed at him on the phone.  He was so kind and telling me that he had contacted a Dr. Gary Gilkeson, a professor of Rheumatology at MUSC who had agreed to see me as soon as I flew in.  I had no idea at that time what a huge blessing him sending me to Dr. Gilkeson was going to be…. My memories went to flying back and saying goodbye to my husband and kids and saying, “Mommy will be back in a week.  Everything is fine.”  I packed for 4 days.  I sat on the plane, honestly thinking, “Ok, so something might be wrong, but it will end up being small and I will be right back to Costa Rica by the end of the week.”  Looking out my window on the plane, praying, a rainbow followed outside my window the entire 4 hours finally disappearing into the sunset…. Got a call the next morning from Dr. Gilkeson and he saw me that day.  At that appointment I asked him if he knew I had come back to SC “kicking and screaming.”  He smiled and said that he had heard that  🙂  ….

Back to my emails…. I started rereading many of them after this….. I began to get very overwhelmed…. I am actually very overwhelmed right now as I write this….. I started noticing many things.  First, Dr. Gilkeson is a saint for putting up with a ton of emails and questions from me.  And he answered each one….. blessing, blessing, blessing…..   Then I started noticing that there were emails with 60, 70, 80 responses….  It was you guys…. I am weeping as I write that (wish I could give you all hugs right now)…. why?…. Because it is just so overwhelming to me how God has blessed me with so many people praying for me and loving me…. I began to reread some….. I had to stop….. I went to my bed, got in it, put on my iPod and began to weep….

All the memories of this past year started to rush back….. leaving my precious family here, Dr. Gilkeson explaining blood work, biopsy results,  medicines, my immune system, these diseases, being without Jacob and the kids, prayers, new friends, love, God’s love, God’s goodness, God’s power, God’s miracles, GOD’S GRACE.  Many people have said to me over this past year that I am some person special.  That I inspire them.  If that is the case, it is not me they are seeing.  I am just a person trying to live my life for the Lord.  HE, our God, is the one that gets all the credit for the person that you see.  HE is the One who has carried me.  HE is the One that has never left my side.  HE is the One that has kept every promise.  He is the One that has not allowed me to complain.  He is the One that kept me from not falling apart with my family in one country and me in another.  He is the One that held me together as I had to relearn to put pants on with my physical therapist Renee.  He is the One that did not allow me to get depressed over this whole past year.  He is the One.  He is the One.  He is the One…..

It is His Grace.  It has been a year of His Grace.  For without it…. can’t and don’t have to go there….  I can say that I am thankful for this past year.  I am thankful for these diseases.  I am thankful because I have been able to experience God in a way that I never have in my life as a Christian.  And I pray that somehow He will use it for His glory.  I go back to my Scripture verse that was on my heart during my last infusion….

2 Corinthians 12: 9-10 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

What does the future hold with dermatomyositis, interstitial lung disease and Courtenay?  I don’t know.  And I don’t need to know.  Because I have my God and Savior who will always be with me and THEIR GRACE is sufficient.  If you don’t have them, please click on our tab that says The Big Question.  Contact me or someone else that is a Christian that you trust.  He is there for you.

 

Questions answered!!

So many people have been sending me messages of encouragement, prayers and questions.  I am so thankful for each of you thinking of me and loving me across the world.  I have people praying for me in Europe, Africa, North and South America (according to geography as taught in Costa Rica – there is no Central America, only North and South)!!!  I so much appreciate everyone sending me things and letting me know that you have not forgotten about us and I have even learned of churches where I might not personally know anyone and they are praying for me because you guys are passing along my situation.  So thank you so much.

I am writing this about midway through my infusion on Sunday afternoon.  I am feeling up to it, so I thought I would go ahead and answer some of the questions that many are asking and others many be wondering about, but not asking.  So here we go….

1.  Why a chemo drug when you do not have cancer?  Answer – THE DEFINITION OF CHEMOTHERAPY WOULD BE A MEDICATION THAT DESTROYS OR KILLS CANCEROUS CELLS. IN MY CASE, THE MEDICATION IS ELIMINATING CELLS THAT ARE PRODUCING INFLAMMATORY SUBSTANCES IN AN ABNORMAL MANNER, BUT NOT A CANCER. THE SAME APPLIES FOR METHOTREXATE.  THAT WOULD BE THE B CELLS THAT ARE PRODUCING THE AUTO ANTIBODY ANTIJO1 THAT IS ATTACKING MY LUNGS.  THE METHOTREXATE IS ANOTHER CHEMO DRUG THAT I ALREADY AM TAKING ONCE A WEEK.

2.  Don’t you feel that you need to come back to the US and to SC to your wonderful doctors here at MUSC?  Answer – YOU ALL ARE EXACTLY RIGHT.  THE DOCTORS THAT I HAVE AT MUSC ARE FANTASTIC!!  GOD TRULY BLESSED ME WITH THE ABSOLUTE BEST PEOPLE TO DIAGNOSE AND TREAT ME.  HOWEVER, HE HAS ALSO CLEARLY CALLED JACOB AND I AND THE KIDS TO LIVE AND SERVE IN COSTA RICA.  HE HAS ALSO GIVEN ME FANTASTIC DOCTORS HERE AS WELL.  MY DOCTOR IS THE ONLY RHEUMATOLOGIST RECOMMENDED BY THE US EMBASSY AND HE IS EXCELLENT.  THERE IS A FANTASTIC PRIVATE HOSPITAL HERE CALLED CLINICA BIBLICA AND SINCE WE HAVE INTERNATIONAL INSURANCE, I AM ABLE TO BE TREATED AT THE BEST HOSPITAL IN ALL OF COSTA RICA!! I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO TAKE MY TREATMENTS IN MY OWN ROOM WITH A FLAT SCREEN TV WITH FOOD NETWORK TO WATCH (I love food network and cooking and we don’t get this at our house)!!!  IT OBVIOUSLY HAS WIRELESS BECAUSE I AM WRITING AND POSTING THIS!!  🙂  WE ARE HAPPY WITH MY CARE AND DO NOT FEEL AT THIS POINT THAT GOD IS TELLING US TO RETURN TO THE USA.

3.  Are you able to handle the chemo well?  Do you need extra help?  Answer – GOD HAS BLESSED ME WITH THE GREATEST FAMILY IN THE WORLD.  JACOB HAS STEPPED IT UP AND HELPED WITH THE HOUSEWORK AND SO HAVE THE KIDS.  THEY ARE PATIENT AND QUIET WHEN I NEED TO BE AND THE KIDS HAVE BEEN FOCUSED DURING HOMESCHOOLING AND HAVE BEEN FANTASTIC.  LAST TIME, IT TOOK ME ABOUT A WEEK TO GET OVER ALL OF THE TIREDNESS AND MOST OF THE STOMACH PAIN AND NAUSEA.  OUR NEIGHBORS JORGE AND ILLIANNA HAVE BEEN WONDERFUL.  ILLIANNA HAS BEEN SENDING FOOD AND OFFERING TO HELP IN ANY WAY THAT SHE CAN.  I TAKE AN HOUR WORTH OF PREMEDICATIONS BEFORE WE BEGIN THE INFUSIONS TO INSURE THAT MY BODY HANDLES IT AND THEY SEEM TO BE DOING THEIR JOB!!  🙂

4.  Is the chemo working?  Answer – WE TOOK BLOODWORK ON FRIDAY TO MAKE SURE THAT WE COULD GO AHEAD TODAY WITH MY SECOND ROUND AND IT SHOWED IMPROVEMENTS ALREADY.  THERE IS STILL AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT BUT ON THE FEW DAYS WHEN I WAS NOT TIRED, I FELT BETTER THAN I HAVE IN A VERY LONG TIME.  WE ARE VERY HAPPY WITH THE RESULTS SO FAR AND LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING HOW MUCH I IMPROVE WITH THIS IN THE FUTURE!!

I hope that this answers your questions.  If you have anymore, please send them and I will try to answer them.  I have always tried to be transparent through this entire process so that God could show how He is working and how sometimes He uses modern medicines to work His miracles in our bodies!!  I am happy and encouraged.  🙂

“He says, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ So, I’ll accept my weaknesses, even brag about them, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. ” 

– 2 Cor. 12:9-10

 

“This is my desire….

to honor You.  Lord with all my heart, I worship you.  All I have within me, I give you praise.  All that I adore, is in You.  Lord I give you my heart.  I give you my soul.  I live for you alone. Every breath that I take, every moment I’m awake, Lord have your way in me.”  Those are the words to the song that I found myself listening to tonight as my infusion has just ended and I am trying to sleep.  According to my doctors and nurses, it should have made me very sleepy and I should be asleep right now.  I was listening to my iPod and meditating and worshipping and I realized, “I’m awake, He wants me to write.”   So I will write.

More words now to the same song right now as I write, “And I will live for You.  And I will live for You.  And I will live for You.”

So, wow!  What a day.  It started with us thinking things were looking so great on the scan of my lungs.   And what results we had gotten looked like all of my medications were working fantastically.   But we had more blood work out there, so we were waiting…..

More words from my iPod at the moment, “Jesus, I’m living for you name.  I’ll never be ashamed of You.  Take, take, take it all.  Running to the one who heals the blind.
Following the shining light.  In Your hands the power to save the world  and my life.”

We got back some results and Dr. Manley came to let me know.  He wanted the opinion of the lung specialist.  The lung specialist said that he could see me around lunch.  So I called Jacob and told him that I was going to see another doctor around lunch, but I am probably going to be able to go home around 2, so if he could come then.  So the doctor came, was very thorough and did an exam and wanted to re examine the scan of my lungs.  After a bit, he came back and said that he had talked to Dr. Manley and he felt that something was missing from the print out of my lungs and he was going to go down stairs and look at the original on the computer to see if there was something missing and if was not still in the computer, he was confident that I needed to do it again.  So we waited….

More from my iPod right now, “What to say, Lord? It’s You who gave me life and I Can’t explain just how Much You mean to me now That You have saved me, Lord I give all that I am to You That everyday I could Be a light that shines Your name Everyday, Lord, I’ll Learn to stand upon Your word And I pray that I I might come to know You more That You would guide me in every single step I take, that Everyday I can Be Your light unto the world.  Everyday, it’s You I live for.  It’s You I live for everyday.”

So he came back and said indeed they had the original in the computer still and infact they had missed the inflammation where I had been feeling burning as I was exercising.  So he had talked again to Dr. Manley and Dr. Manley would come up in a bit and let me know the treatment they had agreed upon.  So in a bit, Dr. Manley was here (he was running back and forth from his office in the next building over to the hospital).  He explained all the blood work to me and what the lung specialist and himself had discussed and I needed this new drug infusion.  It would be best to do it today.  So I called Jacob back…..

My iPod right now, “You go before me.  You shield my way.  Your hand upholds me.  And I know You love me.  At the cross I bow my knee.  Where Your blood was shed for me.  There’s no greater love than This.  You have over come the grave.  Your Glory fills the highest place.  What can separate me now?”

I was very emotional because it was just a roller coaster of a day.  Up and then down.  Jacob encouraged me.  I called Johnny and talked to him about it.  He encouraged me and prayed.  I called my parents and explained it to them.  Then I put it on facebook and sent out an email to our prayer partners.   The nurses started coming in and giving me all of this preventative medicine, pills and 2 different IVs.  And I was a bit overwhelmed.  I think because of just a huge range of emotions all at once.  And the responses started to come in on facebook and in my Inbox……

My iPod right now, “Saved by your mercy.  Found in Your Grace.  Totally surrendered to Your embrace.  And there’s nothing more than You.  See Your perfection.  I’m lost in Your peace.  Your faithfulness sings over me.  And Your love is alive in my soul.”

I don’t think that it was a coincidence that I had this procedure on a Wednesday night.  Because everyone was letting me know they were going to go to their churches and pray for me.  I started being prayed for all over the world.  Prayers were coming in and rising up for me.  I believe that it honored God and He was so pleased and He truly blessed this time.  For He granted me a tremendous amount of peace.  I had to sit here for a little over 5 hours just letting this cancer medicine enter my body.  I had some strange sensations and my stomach is not feeling great at the moment, but all in all, I was able to handle it well.  Dr. Manley came to hang out with me for a bit so that I had someone to chat to as well!  So nice of him to take time like that.  I also had a sweet friend send me an awesome song on facebook that God used to sooth my soul.  I am so blessed to have so many people praying for me.  It humbles me to call on your guys and your love that you pour out for me each time I need it.  You guys have blessed and honored and given glory to God my/our Great Physician, Father, Friend, Never Give Me More Than I Can Handle, Always Beside Me, Savior, Guide, …..

Right now on the iPod, “Take me, mold me, use me, fill me.  I give my life to the Potters Hands.  Mold me.  You guide me.  Lead me.  Walk beside me.”  “Falling on my knees in worship, giving all I am to seek Your face.  Lord all I am is Yours.  My whole life I place in Your hands.  God of mercy, humbled, I bow down.  In Your presence at Your throne.  I called.  You answered.  And You came to my rescue and I want to be where You are.”

And guys I am not sure what more to say, but “Thank you.”  Thank you for being there for me.  Thank you for going before the only One that could truly help me in that moment.  Thank you for giving Him the chance to bring Himself glory through your prayers and His response by just blessing me with His peace and patients while I had that treatment and allowing my body to handle it well.  Thanks.

My iPod right now, “In my life be lifted high.  In our world be lifted high.  In our love be lifted high.”

I feel that is an appropriate place to leave this.  🙂

 

Diagnosis

We have the results of the biopsy and the path we had been on for the diagnosis has been confirmed so we are now ready to let everyone know what is going on.  My doctor, Dr. Gilkeson, has been so wonderful through out this process and he wanted to be as close to 100% sure before he said this is what I have.  So enough delay…. I have a rare connective tissue disorder called polymyositis.  It affects statistically 1 in 100,000 people.   My lay person’s explanation is that my immune system is attacking my skeletal muscles.  I also have been diagnosed with interstitial lung disease caused by the autoantibody antiJo-1.  My understanding again is that my own body is attacking itself.   If you would like to read more about these I would recommend these two links ….  for polymyositis –   http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/polymyositis/DS00334 and for interstitial lung disease – http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/interstitial-lung-disease/ds00592

How am I feeling right now….

I feel that in order to show God work, I want to be as transparent with everything going on as possible and we can all marvel that the way I know He is going to work in my body.  So here is how polymyositis and interstitial lung disease are affecting my body right now on this Saturday morning.  My entire body feels as if I went to the gym for the first time in like a year and worked out like a maniac and that awful way that you feel the next day – that sums up the way I feel all day long.  Also, it is difficult for me to walk and I call what I do more of a waddle 😉  At some points it hurts even to just move my fingers and toes.  It is encompassing my entire body and at some points it is often extremely painful like muscles could be tearing.  My lungs feel as if I have a bad chest cold, even though I have no chest congestion, right down the center of my lungs it is like they are burning when I take a breath.  At times it is difficult to take a deep breath.  I am also having some difficulty swallowing, but that comes and goes.  I have good days and I have bad days.

Treatment and Prognosis

So where do we go from here and how do you treat something like this?  Well, I have been on steroids now for about a month.  These steroids not only help me not feel the pain (I do believe that if I were to feel the full force of this pain, I would be immobile and miserable) and they are bringing down the inflammation in my body.  I am also taking an immune system suppressant.  We started this about a week and a half ago and what this does is shut off my immune system so that it quits attacking my lungs and muscles.  Dr. Gilkeson did a blood test to see if I had the make up genetically to handle the immune suppressant that was best for my lungs and praise the Lord I am.  So he picked the immune suppressant that my lungs should respond the best to, but it will also be treating my muscles as well.  Dr. Gilkeson feels that I will not be one of the people with this that has flair ups, but I will probably have to always be dealing with this and medicated.  However, he said that God can do great things and can change that so we are going to pray for that.  We are going to continue with the steroids while we get the immune suppressant up enough to where this is more under control and I am in less pain and then the goal is for me to be off of the steroid completely!!   So I am also going to ask that we pray for that to happen quickly.  I am going to have to have blood work done regularly to monitor my body, but we are going to increase my immune suppressant for the next bit and wait and watch the Lord use medical technology to get this under control.  There is no cure for this, but it is something that we can manage.  Dr. Gilkeson is confident that we (God, him, me, family and friends praying – so that includes you!) will get me back to being able to do normal everyday mommy and wife duties 🙂  And Dr. Gilkeson has no doubts that we can return to Costa Rica once we get my medication figured out.  🙂  We are not sure at a time frame right now, but my personal goal is the end of March.  This is slowing us onto the field, but it will not stop us!!!

My Thoughts

I am very excited that God has granted people a glimpse into His wisdom/creation and into the human body enough to have such wonderful medical technology and treatments that we were able to get to the bottom of what is going on and there is a way to control this.  My life’s goal is to shine where ever the Lord chooses to put me and although I thought I would not be back in the US for over a year, here I am and I am trying to shine His love and grace and hope and security to everyone that I run into here in Charleston.  “Let your light shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in Heaven.”  Matthew 5:16.  For those of you that know how much I love music I have always loved the Newsboys song Shine – the chorus is  –

shine
make ´em wonder what you´ve got
make ´em wish that they were not
on the outside looking bored
shine
let it shine before all men
let´em see good works, and then
let ´em glorify the Lord

My prayer is that God would use this disease and His grace in me to shine in such a way that others are drawn closer to Him and that even someone might even be saved!!  I am not down and out and questioning “Why me?”  I know why me….God wanted to use me and He has given us His words that say that “He works all things for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”  Romans 8:28.  Not some things, not positive things, not easy things, but ALL things.  I am honored that He is going to use me and this disease however He sees fit and I will only do my best to bring Him all of the praise, glory and honor for each season of this disease.  I am not perfect, but with God’s grace covering me, I can shine His strength, faith, hope and love to others.  So I implore that you join me in this prayer.

If anyone has any questions, I would love to answer them.   For those of you that know me well, I am open to questions about anything at all and I will be honest and transparent in my answers.